Well, the computer support department I work for has successfully made it through the massive workload that the beginning of a school year entails. I thought I would share some choice quotes here. We’ll start with the customers with complexes:
Me: Computer support, how can I help you?
Customer: My wireless isn’t working
Me: What sort of computer is this?
Customer: I’m sorry, I have a laptop.
Me (in head): What are you apologizing for?
Me (out loud): A windows PC?
Customer: I don’t know… I’m so horrible.
Me (in head): You’ve got a problem, lady.
Me (out loud): Does it have a start menu in the bottom left?
Customer: A start menu?
Me: Is there a button that says “Start” on it?
Customer: Uh… yes…
Me (in head): OK, now we’re getting somewhere…
Lady, just because you don’t understand your computer, doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person. Of course, at least you told me your name, unlike another guy:
“Hi, my name is—well it doesn’t matter.”
I’m sure it doesn’t matter at all, and you’re an absolutely worthless person. But I’d still appreciate it if you’d introduce yourself.
Then there are those who just get a little mixed up…
I recently changed my ISP from IE to FoxFire…
By “ISP” you mean “web browser” and by “FoxFire” you mean “Firefox.” Luckily, I speak customer-ese. I don’t however, always understand:
Customer: The link in the web browser doesn’t connect to everybody’s email. Do you know what I mean?
Me (in head): I have absolutely no clue.
Me (out loud): Not entirely.
And those who both get a little mixed up, and try to self-diagnose the problem:
Customer: I think I’ve got a virus.
Me: OK.
Customer: You know, the one everyone’s getting. It started happening after we installed that thing on our computers?
Me: What thing?
Customer: You know, in the corner, that little triangle…
Me: You mean, the blue shield?
Customer: Yeah, that! I think in gave me a virus.
Me: Well, that’s Sophos Antivirus, so if it gave you a virus, we’ve got problems. Let me look at it.
Of course, perhaps I should be happy that they’re trying. It’s better than the oh-so-common problem:
Customer: My computer has problems.
(Pause)
Me: What sort of problems?
Customer: Well, you know, the program doesn’t connect.
Me: Why don’t you explain to me what you’re trying to do.
So that is what I mean by the joys of tech support. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to mock our customers. I understand that I just happen to know more about computers than they do. When I try to talk to the mechanic about my car, he probably laughs at me. And that’s the point—sometimes you just have to laugh.
Tags: computers, customers, helpdesk, laugh, tech support
One of my favorites is the huge number of people that find “Reboot” to be a shockingly effective fix for their computer. And then a week later they call in with another bug, the idea is fresh and new to them, and once again they’re actually amazed by its effectiveness. Time after time.
Anytime you feel like moving to Kentucky, let me know. We’ll find you a job. :)
That reminds me of another common one. Asking people to “reboot” their computer often gets the response “reboot?” So I have to explain that “reboot” just means “restart.”
I’ll keep the job offer in mind.
“Boot” isn’t a term people understand anymore.
As an aside, in my job I had a freshman student come ask me for a new copy of MS Office through our MSDN Academic Alliance software program (which, by the way, carries operating systems but not MS Office). What struck me as odd was that he carried in a Mac, and all I have for MSDNAA is Windows-based products.
Well, it turns out that he wanted a new copy of Office because his Excel wasn’t working. I asked why and he said because it said that Windows wasn’t updated enough to run it. So I asked what he was running it on, and he had some kind of Windows-inside-a-Mac emulation/something deal which I didn’t fully understand and which it was clear he didn’t understand at all. So I asked if he had run Windows update.
“Windows update?”
“Yes, you go to your Control Panel and you click on Windows Update. It updates your computer, and will probably solve your problem.”
“Ok, I’ll do that.”
Comes back 10 minutes later… “It says my copy of Windows is not valid.”
“Who set this computer up for you?”
It turns out his Uncle set him up with Windows inside his Mac, obviously somehow illegal. He didn’t have the first clue about Windows, or Macs aparently (although I’m no judge there). In the end, I told him that I really don’t do tech support, I just administer our MSDN software program. I gave him a fresh, legal copy of Windows XP and basically told him he was on his own.
What I *wanted* to tell him was, “You know what, you are not knowledgeable enough to deserve to own that computer and I question your ability to make it as an engineering student. You should probably do some serious research on how to use a computer.”
Maybe he could start with learning what “boot” means.
I’ve had the same feeling. There are some people who simply should not be allowed to have a computer. It would make both them and me happier. The world, however, doesn’t work like that. So I do my best to help them.
Seems IT support is nearly universal in it’s expressions. (Your dad shared this link with me, he thought I’d find it amusing.) People tend to view computers as toasters or refrigerators, whereas automobiles would be a better analogy. You have to learn to drive a car, you have to be licensed to do so, in many states you have to retest to maintain your right to drive, you assume you have to learn for a while before you become a “good driver.”
All these have applicability to IT. Additional analogies abound. Computers need regular maintenance, upgrades, you have to learn new things, it helps if you have some idea of how they work, etc. We all know we have to have some responsibility as drivers, but any idiot thinks he can use a computer.
I blame Apple. When I started using computers, you ran everything in DOS, and had to learn DOS, how computers worked, how to change to folders and run executables. Nobody used computers who wasn’t willing to put in some effort and learn how they worked. Then along comes the graphic interface, and baboons can run (I use the term advisedly) computers.
Now I do sound like an old fogey. I’m not interested in returning to the “good old days.” Graphic interfaces make things more fun and easier, to “boot.” But there are times when I’d like to require a “driving exam” of anyone who wants to use computers. At least our IT work would become more than, “No, ma’am, that’s not a foot-pedal, it’s called a mouse….”