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Modern Parables? Christians’ Silly Stories and the Lessons they Teach

24 Oct

Recently a friend shared a variation1 of the following story on Facebook:

Does evil exist?

The university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists? A student bravely replied, “Yes, he did!”

“God created everything? The professor asked.

“Yes sir”, the student replied.

The professor answered, “If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are then God is evil”. The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, “Can I ask you a question professor?”

“Of course”, replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, “Professor, does cold exist?”

“What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?” The students snickered at the young man’s question.

The young man replied, “In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat.”

The student continued, “Professor, does darkness exist?”

The professor responded, “Of course it does.”

The student replied, “Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton’s prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn’t this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present.”

Finally the young man asked the professor, “Sir, does evil exist?”

Now uncertain, the professor responded, “Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man’s inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.”

To this the student replied, “Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God’s love present in his heart. It’s like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.”

The professor sat down.

The young man’s name — Albert Einstein.

Some quick googling reveals that the story is false, as you probably—like me—suspected from the beginning. The Snopes article explains that Einstein has become a stand in for the genius in modern culture, and details how the atheist professor is constructed as a straw man.

There are other tales of a similar kind, including the infamous dropped chalk and several where the professor tells his class that God can’t knock him off the platform, prompting a Christian to come do so for God. The tales seem to come in three varieties:

  • The logical refutation, as with Einstein
  • The supernatural intervention, as with the chalk
  • The Christian doing God’s will, as with the platform

Snopes gives a fairly good, if somewhat biased sounding, explanation of the social functions of these stories: to act as “modern day parables”. As such the actual truth of the story matters little. They are meant to serve as rallying cries to true believers, reinforcing faith and inspiring similar actions in those who hear.

But I think the article misses something. If these stories are like parables, and I think the comparison is astute, we must remember what the goals of a parable are. While inspiring resolve in true believers is one, the primary goal of a parable is to teach. And, indeed, I think these stories do teach us something about God and faith, as silly as they may be.

Returning to our three varieties, we can find a different lesson in each. The logical refutation tends to highlight a flaw in the arguments against God. Evil as the absence of God is a persuasive—though not definitive—argument for His existence. While the logical refutation can never prove God, it can prove that God and faith cannot be proved or disproved.

The second variety, supernatural intervention, teaches that God can act in this world. God’s direct action in the world is a key belief of Christianity. The chalk’s altered path to the ground shows the listener that God can and will intervene in circumstances when necessary.

I find the lesson from the third variety, the Christian doing God’s will, most interesting. On the surface these are the silliest. In the case of knocking the professor off the platform it feels more like a comeuppance than a theological lesson. Of course knocking him over proves nothing. But, when read at a deeper level, these stories serve to challenge the assumption that God’s only—or primary—means of work is through direct action. Much of the Christian faith is based on God’s movement through humans. This type of tale brings that movement into the modern world.

Is teaching the principle goal of these stories? Probably not. Their typical tone and the social aspect of their distribution make it more likely that they are intended to reinforce faith (or adherence to the “party” line, if you’re cynical) than to teach lessons. So if the primary purpose of a parable is to teach, these are probably not primarily parables.2

Yet, I think there is some lesson in each from which we can learn. And it’s worth remember this even as we laugh, scoff, or shake our heads in disbelief at them.

1 The variation in question was actually an amusing combination of at least two different tales and included a nice swipe at evolution. It amused me.

2 How’s that for alliteration? Perhaps I should go into ministry.

A Vegetarian Conversion

8 Aug

God took pity on me for my lack of an evangelical conversion experience and provided me with one. The only catch is that it doesn’t involve my eternal salvation. It involves my diet. I’ve had a vegetarian conversion.

My Bible for this conversion was Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. I purchased it on a whim after reading a blog post singing it’s praises. Meticulously researched and skillfully written, it’s less a persuasive essay than an inner dialogue shared with the world. In the end it serves as a sobering presentation of modern meat eating.

Did you know that:

  • Over 99% of animal products come from factory farms.
  • We’ve modified the turkeys and  chickens we eat so much that they are incapable of living to adulthood.
  • The average chicken whose eggs you eat lives in 67 square inches of space. That’s smaller than the computer monitor you’re reading this on.*
  • Free range? It just means there’s a door somewhere that leads outdoors.
  • It’s not uncommon for animals (chicken, pig, cow, take your pick) to be alive during the butchering process because the stunning method fails.

I’ll stop there. There are more facts to present than I have space for. I’d highly recommend that you read Eating Animals or do your own research.

In the end it’s hard to argue with the facts. Modern meat comes from factory farms. Factory farms are almost inevitably cruel and inhumane. Shall I complete the logic?

Bacon is good. Bacon is really good. There’s no denying that. There’s also no denying that the pig you eat the bacon from probably never saw outdoors. It was fed a completely unnatural diet replete with antibiotics to keep it alive. There’s a good chance it was born in a gestation crate not even big enough for its mother to turn around in.

How good is that bacon now?

And this doesn’t even get into the public health, environmental, climate change, or nutrition aspects of eating meat. Not to mention the ethics of eating meat. But let’s leave all that aside.

Knowing that you can eat a perfectly healthy diet without meat, is the cruelty worth it to you? Can you justify it?

One of my favorite passages from Eating Animals is Foer’s response to the accusation that vegetarians are sentimentalists. He politely points out that people who eat meat do so because of tradition and people who don’t because they know the facts of animal welfare. Who’s the sentimentalist here?

Some would say that real men eat meat. I say that real men look at the facts and decide if their actions are worth it. I’ve decided mine aren’t. Are yours?

I’ve asked a lot of rhetorical questions. So does Foer. But there’s a reason for that. No one is going to force you or I to change our diets. There’s no law against eating meat. It comes down to personal choice. A judgment call, if you will. You have to ask questions, of the meat industry, and of yourself. You may not be comfortable with the answers.

I challenge you to give it a go. Ask the questions. Read a book. Do the research. Maybe you’ll have a conversion like me. Maybe not. But at least you’ll know what it means for us to be eating animals.

* If you’re on your iPhone, imagine a space about 6.5 times the size of your phone. Yes, it’s that small.

On Human Failure

16 Dec

In my last post I made a valiant, if naïve, attempt to jump-start the blog via my reading list. It should be fairly obvious that this attempt has failed. It’s not that I haven’t tried—I’m still valiantly slogging my way through The Origin of the Species—but I clearly haven’t kept up. Promises are easy to make, but hard to keep.

Any person familiar with addiction will know exactly the sort of failure here, though often on a far more devastating level. We have a tendency as humans to make great promises to ourselves and fall sadly short. (We fail at promises to others too, but the root of the problem is when we don’t live up to our own expectations. With others, there is at least the hope of accountability.)

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were kiling english

27 Sep

I’ve had the impression that we’re killing English for a while now, but I usually try to keep quiet about it. As a rule, people don’t like snobs, especially the sort that tell them they are doing things incorrectly. Lately, however, I have found myself reading things on the Internet—mostly comments or blog posts by people, some of whom I very much respect—and noticing an atrocious level of grammatical error.

I was moved to action this morning as I read an extremely perceptive yet error-ridden Facebook note. Granted, that action consisted solely of complaining about the state of things on my Facebook status, but it was nevertheless action:

I’m depressed by the state of the English language as seen online. No capitalization, misspelled words and missing apostrophes (or–worse–apostrophes in the wrong places). Yes, maybe I’m a snob, but this language evolved over thousands of years and we’re killing in a tiny fraction of that. Rapid de-evolution. What can we do?

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Do You Have Any Change You Could Spare?

18 Aug

“Do you have any change you could spare?” The question greets me  almost every day as I depart work. The implication is powerful—much  more so than a simple “homeless, need help” sign—I have enough money that I can afford to spare a dollar or  two. At first glance there’s nothing surprising about that; plenty of  people have money to spare. But there’s the corollary: plenty of people don’t. (more…)

Blogging and Meta-Blogging

21 Mar

The concept of “meta” is one of the most fascinating—and at times annoying—concepts that we are introduced to as we get older.  The idea that we can think about thought, discuss discussion, and blog about blogging is both eminently useful and unfortunately overused.  While it is one of the hallmarks of rational thought that we can contemplate what is going on in our own minds, it is also a crutch which is too easily used to abstract—and extract—ourselves from our problems.

That said, I will allow myself to indulge in a post about posting, for the purposes of, well, self-indulgence.  And also because there are a few good ideas to be had from the endeavor. (more…)

I’m Glad and Peace

28 Jan

There are so many words and phrases we use routinely without thinking about.  I was reminded of this today as I complained to a friend about a frustrating problem at work. (Harumph.) Eventually I managed to find a solution.  (Huzzah.)  Upon hearing this, she replied “I’m glad.”

What triggered my reflection on the phrase was that I could tell she truly was glad I had solved my problem.  This was significant becaus we so often we use the words “I’m glad” to signify some sort of acknowledgment of a fact. (more…)

The Modern Condition

22 Jan

1. Guilt Reduction, Purchased.  The Gym.

It’s been a busy month for me.  Travelling to Europe, projects at work, and the Presidential Inauguration have filled up a lot of my time.  Consequently the frequency of my trips to the gym has diminished.  The other day I was thinking, “I haven’t used the gym enough this past month to warrant the money I spent on it.”  Immediately after that I thought, “But at least I have a gym membership.”

There’s probably some economic term for this sort of justification which I should know.  There is, of course, the classic “sunk cost”—the month’s membership is paid for and therefore my decision to go or not go to the gym should not take the money into account.  But I’m referring more to the “Hey, I’m a good person because I even bought a membership” sort of feeling.

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Christmas and Community

20 Dec

Starting one’s blog on Christmas Day lends itself to reflection at the end of every year. December 25 is one of those days that never gets by without being noticed. I began in 2006 by combining reflections on a SciFi movie and a hymn, a sort of foreshadowing of the Smidgin’s current tagline: “an eclectic collection.”  Despite the odd combination, however, the message was relevant: we are not meant to live for ourselves.

My reflection the next year was short, but focused on a variation of the same theme.  We are not meant to live for ourselves, and thus Christ died for us that we might follow Him.

This year my Christmas thoughts come a bit early, as I prepare to leave for a European tour over the holidays. (more…)

Human Adaptation to Technological Constraints

15 Dec

In the world of online chatting, users have always found ways to display their meaning despite the constricting medium of text-only chatting.  This can be seen in such inventions as the emoticon to display emotion.  Without the ability to employ tone of voice or facial expressions, the emoticon provided a means for one person to convey an exact emotion to the other.  Happy as :-). Sad as :-(. Or worried as :-/.  The evolution of emoticons is so extensive one could probably do a dissertation on it.

In addition to an inability to communicate an exact emotion, the text-only medium lacks a means to directly represent an action.  This was quickly remedied, however, by the development of textual indicators for actions.  When a user wanted to indicate that a verb was an action, he or she would encapsulate it within two asterisks: (more…)

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