The Smidgin

There are certain things which are pretty much guaranteed to make me smile.  For instance, the “Who’s on First?” routine by Abbott and Costello invariably makes me laugh, though every time I go into it thinking, “it can’t possibly be that funny this time.”  My newest discovery in this category comes from a group of Canadians and is entitled “The Ninjas.”

What is it?  It is the second song on the Barenaked Ladies’ new album Snacktime.  It hasn’t failed yet to make me smile, even if I’m in a rather melancholy mood.  How can it, with lyrics like these:

I woke up this morning
And everything was different
Something was strange in the air
I woke up this morning
And everything was different
I knew that the ninjas had been there

and

The ninjas are deadly and silent
They’re also unspeakably violent
They speak Japanese
They do whatever they please
And if you tear of their mask,
They’ll be smiling

So if you need a laugh, I heartily recommend “The Ninjas” to you.  In fact, I recommend the whole album.  Other gems on it include “7 8 9″, “Pollywog In a Bog”, “Popcorn” (never thought you’d hear someone make music sound like popcorn popping, did you?), and “Crazy ABC’s”.  To  give you a taste of that last one:

A is for aisle
B is for bdellium
C is for czar
And if you see him, would you mind telling him-

It’s a children’s music album but has plety of jokes for us older children in it too.  You can get it at Amazon, eMusic, or iTunes.

And if you don’t believe me yet, you can listen to the NPR All Things Considered story that made me buy it.  Enjoy!

Update (7/5/08): One further reflection.  I think that the following may be some of the most inspired lyrics I have ever heard (from “Raisins”):

Raisins come from grapes
People come from apes
I come from Canada

Well, the computer support department I work for has successfully made it through the massive workload that the beginning of a school year entails. I thought I would share some choice quotes here. We’ll start with the customers with complexes:

Me: Computer support, how can I help you?
Customer: My wireless isn’t working
Me: What sort of computer is this?
Customer: I’m sorry, I have a laptop.
Me (in head): What are you apologizing for?
Me (out loud): A windows PC?
Customer: I don’t know… I’m so horrible.
Me (in head): You’ve got a problem, lady.
Me (out loud): Does it have a start menu in the bottom left?
Customer: A start menu?
Me: Is there a button that says “Start” on it?
Customer: Uh… yes…
Me (in head): OK, now we’re getting somewhere…

Lady, just because you don’t understand your computer, doesn’t mean you’re a horrible person. Of course, at least you told me your name, unlike another guy:

“Hi, my name is—well it doesn’t matter.”

I’m sure it doesn’t matter at all, and you’re an absolutely worthless person. But I’d still appreciate it if you’d introduce yourself.

Then there are those who just get a little mixed up…

I recently changed my ISP from IE to FoxFire…

By “ISP” you mean “web browser” and by “FoxFire” you mean “Firefox.” Luckily, I speak customer-ese. I don’t however, always understand:

Customer: The link in the web browser doesn’t connect to everybody’s email. Do you know what I mean?
Me (in head): I have absolutely no clue.
Me (out loud): Not entirely.

And those who both get a little mixed up, and try to self-diagnose the problem:

Customer: I think I’ve got a virus.
Me: OK.
Customer: You know, the one everyone’s getting. It started happening after we installed that thing on our computers?
Me: What thing?
Customer: You know, in the corner, that little triangle…
Me: You mean, the blue shield?
Customer: Yeah, that! I think in gave me a virus.
Me: Well, that’s Sophos Antivirus, so if it gave you a virus, we’ve got problems. Let me look at it.

Of course, perhaps I should be happy that they’re trying. It’s better than the oh-so-common problem:

Customer: My computer has problems.
(Pause)
Me: What sort of problems?
Customer: Well, you know, the program doesn’t connect.
Me: Why don’t you explain to me what you’re trying to do.

So that is what I mean by the joys of tech support. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to mock our customers. I understand that I just happen to know more about computers than they do. When I try to talk to the mechanic about my car, he probably laughs at me. And that’s the point—sometimes you just have to laugh.